I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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