and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize