he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
pray to the hookup gods
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
