I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
