Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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