He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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