trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Shame - the story of my life.
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