Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
