Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
