Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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