Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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