i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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