Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
