She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
