I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
this hospital has no fireball
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just gargled with NyQuil
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
