I only kidnapped one of them. chill
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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