My sheets look like a crime scene.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
