no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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