i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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