i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize