She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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