I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
