The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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