Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
