and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
it's like heaven, but drunker
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
