You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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