I hate all girls vehemently.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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