Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
