You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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