giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Can I color on your dick again?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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