He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
This toilet bowl is my home.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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