in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
