yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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