We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize