If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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