I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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