a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
