I am puke
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
