She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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