Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
