No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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