i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
