Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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