oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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