I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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