I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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