In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
