i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
