hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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