Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
