thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
