but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
