There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
