We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
