my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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