how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
