I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
