That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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