ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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