I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
