wakey wakey hands off snakey
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
