What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
