SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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