yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
