I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
