Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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