What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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