There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
