Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
