idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
