Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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