well I can't set my house on fire every night
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
