I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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