I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize