I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
