return my video game
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
