Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
