and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
