I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
