Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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