So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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