So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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