So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
