Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
