I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
