i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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