I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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