I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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