he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
