Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
