Whod you bang
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
