I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
