Writing my paper on freud at bar
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Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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